50 Brutally Funny Groucho Marx Quotes That Still Sting
Introduction
Quotes can do more than make us laugh — they can jolt our thinking, cut through self-doubt, and give us a fresh frame for action. A single zinger from a master of wit like Groucho Marx can motivate you to take chances, rethink habits, or simply find grace in the absurd. Use these Groucho Marx quotes when you need a quick mood lift, a brave new perspective, or a pithy line to puncture pretension.
Motivational Quotes
- I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
- I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
- No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Inspirational Quotes
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
- I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
- Honesty is the best image.
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Life Wisdom Quotes
- The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
- Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
- Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
- Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
- Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Success & Career Quotes
- Humor is reason gone mad.
- Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
- I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
- We'll go out and make it appear that we had a wonderful time.
Happiness & Wit Quotes
- Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
- Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long shot.
- A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Daily Zingers (Quick Picks)
- I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. (Yes — worth repeating.)
- I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Conclusion
A sharp line from Groucho can do more than prompt a laugh — it can shift perspective, remove fear, and spark boldness. Keep a few of these Groucho Marx quotes handy for mornings that need a jolt, meetings that need levity, or moments when a fearless dose of honesty will set you free. Use wit as fuel: a little humor can transform how you think, act, and face the day.
