Condolence Messages: 51 Short, Sincere Notes for Cards and Texts, and What Not to Say

A condolence message is a short note that tells a grieving person you know about their loss and are thinking of them. It does not need to explain, comfort or fix anything. These five lines work for almost anyone:

• I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you.
• I was heartbroken to hear about Anna. She was kind to everyone.
• There are no right words, but I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.
• Holding you and your family in my heart today.
• I'm so sorry. I'll bring dinner on Thursday, no need to reply.

Below are 51 more original messages sorted by who died and who you are to the person grieving, a simple way to write your own, the phrases to leave out, and notes on cards, texts and timing. If you are looking for words to say at or after a service, see our funeral wishes page.

Which message fits? A quick chooser

Situation	Best tone	Length
You barely knew the person who died	Plain and respectful	One or two sentences
A close friend lost someone	Warm, specific, offers help	Three or four sentences
A coworker or employee	Formal but kind, no pressure	Two sentences
The death was sudden or of a young person	Very simple, no explanations	One or two sentences
You are texting	Short, no need to reply	Under 30 words

Short condolence messages for a card or text

When you are not sure what to say, short is safe. Every line here stands on its own and does not ask the person to answer.

• I'm so sorry for your loss.
• Thinking of you today and every day this week.
• I'm sorry. I'm here whenever you want company or quiet.
• My heart is with you and your family.
• Sending you love. You don't need to reply.
• I'm so sorry. Please be gentle with yourself.
• I just heard, and I'm thinking of you.
• With deepest sympathy to you and your family.
• No words are enough, but you are not alone.
• I'm holding you close in my thoughts.

When a spouse or partner has died

Do not try to measure the loss or look for a bright side. Say that you saw how much they loved each other, and offer something concrete for the weeks ahead.

• I'm so sorry about Tom. Everyone who saw the two of you together knew how much he loved you.
• I can't imagine the quiet in the house right now. I'm only a phone call away, at any hour.
• Your marriage was one of the best things I got to watch up close. I'm so sorry.
• I'd like to take care of the small things: groceries, the dog, the phone calls. Tell me which one to start with.
• Grief like this is the other side of a great love. I'm holding you in my thoughts.
• I'm here for the long haul, not just this week.

When a parent or grandparent has died

Name something about the person if you can. A single true detail means more than a general line about "a life well lived."

• I'm so sorry about your mom. Her laugh was the best part of every gathering.
• Your dad was always the first to help anyone move, and the last to leave. I'm thinking of you.
• Losing a parent changes the whole shape of a family. I'm sorry, and I'm here.
• Your grandmother's kindness shows up in you every day. I'm so sorry for your loss.
• It's all right to feel numb, or relieved, or everything at once. I'm here for all of it.
• I'd love to hear a story about her sometime, whenever you feel like telling one.
• Sending love to you and your siblings as you look after each other.

Replace the relative and the detail with your own. Use a detail only if it is true; if you did not know them, say how you know the griever instead.

When a child or young person has died

This is the hardest note to write. Keep it very simple, use the child's name, and do not offer reasons or comparisons. Short, sincere messages are best.

• I'm so very sorry about Noah. I have no words, only love for you and your family.
• Noah brought so much joy to everyone who knew him. I will keep saying his name.
• My heart is broken for you. I'm here, whatever you need.
• I'm thinking of you, and of Noah, today and always.
• I'm so sorry. I've signed up to bring meals next week, and I'll leave them at the door so you never have to talk.
• There is nothing I can say that is enough. I'm not leaving you to carry this alone.

When it was sudden or unexpected

Skip anything that speculates about what happened. Acknowledge the shock and let them lead.

• I'm stunned and so sorry. I'm here for anything, large or small.
• I can't believe it. Please know I'm thinking of you and your family.
• There's nothing to say that makes this make sense. I'm sorry, and I love you.
• You don't have to answer or explain anything. I'm here.
• I'm so sorry for the shock of it all. Let me handle one thing for you today.

For a friend, a neighbor or an acquaintance

You do not need to have known the person well. Say who you are, say you are sorry, and keep it short.

• I was so sorry to hear about your brother. I'm thinking of you.
• I didn't know your father well, but I always remember his wave from the porch. I'm sorry for your loss.
• Your neighbors are thinking of you. Please let us know if we can help.
• I'm sorry for your loss. I'll leave a casserole on your step Friday. No need to answer the door.
• With sincere sympathy. You are in our thoughts.
• I wish I could do more than send a card. Know that I care.

For a colleague, employee or manager

A work condolence should be sincere, brief and free of pressure about deadlines. If it comes from a team, have everyone sign by hand or add a line each.

• Please accept our deepest sympathy. Take all the time you need; your work is covered.
• We are so sorry for your loss. Your team is thinking of you.
• On behalf of everyone here, we send our condolences to you and your family.
• I was sorry to hear about your mother. Please don't think about work right now.
• The whole department is with you. We will look after things until you are back.
• With sympathy from all of us. Let us know if there is anything we can do.

Texts that ask for nothing back

In the first days a person may get dozens of messages. Tell them they do not have to reply.

• Thinking of you. No need to answer.
• I'm so sorry. Sending a hug. Reply only if you want to.
• I'm around if you want a walk or a coffee, or nothing at all.
• Just a note to say I'm thinking of you.
• I'm so sorry. Love you.

How to write your own in three steps

1. Say you are sorry. "I'm so sorry for your loss" is enough to begin.
2. Name the person and one true thing. A habit, a kindness, how they made you feel. If you did not know them, say how you know the griever.
3. Offer one specific thing, or nothing. "I'll bring dinner Tuesday at six" beats "let me know if you need anything."

Worked example. Weak: "Sorry for your loss. He is in a better place now. Let me know if you need anything." Better: "I'm so sorry about Frank. He taught me how to fix a bike chain when I was ten and never made me feel small. I'll bring soup on Wednesday evening and leave it on the porch."

What not to say

St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, in its guide to writing a condolence letter, lists phrases to avoid: "Everything happens for a reason," "They're in a better place," "At least you have other children," and "I know exactly how you feel." It also advises against giving advice on how to grieve, suggesting how long grief should last, or mentioning details of the death unless the family raised them first. Those are good rules for any condolence note.

• Do not start with yourself, as in "I remember when I lost my..." unless you are close and it is a brief aside.
• Avoid religious lines unless you know the family shares your faith.
• Do not ask how it happened.
• Avoid "stay strong." Grieving people often feel they have to perform strength.

Card, text or call: etiquette and timing

Send something as soon as you hear. A handwritten card is traditional, and one that arrives weeks later still helps, because the first flood of messages ends quickly and the quiet comes after. Sign with your full name if the person might not place you. For a group card, ask each person to write a line rather than only a signature. A text is fine for a close friend in the first days; follow it with a card for a close family loss. Flowers, a meal or a donation in the person's name are kind additions, but a note is what families often keep.

Consider a second message about a month later, when the visitors have gone. Something like "I've been thinking of you. No need to reply" is welcome. If the loss falls near a holiday, our page on Thanksgiving wishes for someone who lost a loved one has gentle wording for the first season without them.

Questions people ask

What is the best condolence message?

The best one is short and true: "I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you." Add the person's name or one real memory if you have one.

How do you say condolences in simple words?

Say "I'm so sorry for your loss" or "I'm so sorry about [name]." Plain words are better than formal ones.

What do you say to someone who has lost a loved one?

Say you are sorry, say the person's name, and offer one specific thing such as a meal on a day you name. Avoid advice and phrases like "they're in a better place."

Is it okay to send a condolence text?

Yes, especially in the first days or if you are close. Say they do not need to answer, and follow with a card if the loss is a close family member.